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after over 2 years i guess i'm back [17 Jul 2009|02:38pm]
wow. so I've been reading old journal posts...its been over 2 years since i've posted anything. I can't believe how angsty and emo i sound. its actually pretty funny. and because i enjoy reading them so much i decided i should start posting again. then in a few years i can entertain myself with them again:)

David has left for afganistan. I think he actually arrived a few hours ago. I'm trying to think positive thoughts about it. When he called me from the airport to say bye i was at tres hombres with cara and rana. I tried to stay cool on the phone with him so he wouldn't have to have yet another emotional female on his hand but as soon as we got off the phone I started crying. So, imagine this. I have a napkin mashed against my face, crying loudly and surrounded by young people enjoying "taco tuesday". Cara and Rana are awkwardly trying to comfort me and our waiter is obviously avoiding our table. I pull myself together enough to start drinking. But I'm still to upset to eat. 2 hours later I'm drunk and we're all getting pretty loud. Que random guy approaching us with a round of shots. This leads to the to me and cara trying to figure out who is the "least" drunk so they can drive. But because we're smart we decide we're both "that" drunk, take random guys shots and start calling people to come pick us up. By the time Cara's brother arrives I'm staggering drunk in my sun dress on a tuesday night. And i stole the bucket my coronas came in....awesome.

Bob left Monday to move back to Boston. I'm in mourning.

And night before last I had nightmares all night. Charlee got eaten by a shark. And I'm not going into dream details because they're boring even for me but my nightmares were dominted by david, my dad and bob...maybe I'm having issues with the men in my life leaving me?
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fuck [17 Jul 2007|05:42pm]
do you ever have a day where you feel worthless and then something happens and makes you feel even worse?
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[19 May 2007|07:34pm]
i've been hanging out w/my old friend sarah and she is sooo cool
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i proved myself wrong [21 Mar 2007|09:43pm]
[ mood | guilty ]

i had a rough day today. all the residents were really agitated. josette kept telling me she wanted to kill herself, and then she went around discussing the best way to do it w/the others. hildy was crying on and off all day. jackie kept looking for her sister and getting angry at me b/c i hadn't seen her(her sister has passed away) and sivia was hullucenating. Emily, our new resident, was having panic attacks all day. at breakfast she didn't eat b/c she was panicking. i wheeled her out of the room and took her to her room and helped her lay on the bed. she was breathing really rapidly so i tried to lead her in some breathing excersises to calm her down and slow her breathing but it wasn't working very well.i called the med manager to give emily a sedative but emily had just gotten her medicine and we just had to wait for it to take effect. emily didn't want me to leave her so i sat w/her till she started to drift off to sleep.@lunchtime i got her back up and brought her into the dining room, she seemed calm, but quickly began panicking again. sarah, my co-worker, brought emily back into her room and helped her into her arm chair. about 15 minutes later a physical therapist showed up to work w/emily. the therapist briefly left emily alone to get some paperwork and came back to find her unconscious. the therapist couldn't find a pulse so she came to get me. i went into emily's room w/her, called my manager and called 911.as per instructions from the person on the phone i layed emily flat on the floor and checked her breathing way for obstructions. she wasn't breathing and she had no pulse. then the lady on the phone told me to began administering CPR. i looked at emily's face w/the blue lips and froze. i was scared. i told the operator i wasn't sure if i could do it. my manager shannon told me we don't do CPR b/c most of our residents have a DNR order. the operator told me to began administering CPR anyway, she would talk me through it. still scared and becoming more so...i stammered about being unsure. then the operator asked me if i was refusing to give CPR. i understand she has to ask that but suddenly i felt like i was being asked if i was going to save emily's life or let her die. and i didn't know.luckily for all of us, the therapist came over w/a platic mask and started giving emily CPR through it. the paremedics came shortly after this but there was no saving emily, she was dead.

even though giving emily CPR wouldn't have saved her life i still feel guilty for my hesitation. i'd like to think that when it comes down to it i'll be there ready to do whatever needs to be done to help someone and i proved myself wrong. i only hope next time i'll be able to redeem myself. the good news though is that i kept it together for the other residents and my co-workers. i stayed calm so the other residents wouldn't know what was going on and i stayed happy for them while we hung out and did activities.

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[13 Sep 2006|09:12pm]
i just heard the most fucked up story. a t-ball coach tied a retarded kid to a fence and payed one of his players $25 to throw baseballs at him. isn't that awful!! i feel bad for both kids:(
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[16 Aug 2006|02:23pm]
so, me and trevor are moving...across the street. we are radicals. its actually a much nicer house and so i guess i'm excited. my brother is acting like an idiot right now which sucks and the whole family is ready to pull an your-an-idiot intervention, but we can't track him down.i got a job working at an assisted living community called sunrise in petaluma, i hope i like it. i don't technically start till monday. i'm getting fat, well, fat for me. and i hate that,so i've started excercising and i'm trying to convince trevor i should get a dog to walk with for protection. but trevor thinks i'm tough enough already, we'll see. i mean, i am quite tough and big, but i want a dog. i've been visiting shelters and then i tell trevor about the dogs i liked, i'll wear him down eventually. he wants to wait till lucy, his brother's dog, is bred. but who knows when that will be. anyway, i don't have much to write and i have to go walk my fat off. i'll write more later..maybe
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4.7 [02 Aug 2006|08:21pm]
we just had an earthquake. it was a really weak one but me and trevor both freaked out. we ran for different doorways and it was over before we got to them. but it was still scary, mostly because i thought it would be followed by a stronger one. now the phone won't work, it says "all circuits are busy" at least if there was a bad earthquake we still have a cell phone to fall back on. nothing even fell over, but the monkey on my candle holder swayed for a few minutes. if it wasn't for the monkey i would have thought we imagined it.
2 Playmates| Let's Play

[27 Jul 2006|04:25pm]
i just got a phone, and cable and the internet. i feel so new-age. i haven't had any of these things in 5 years<3
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[07 Sep 2005|10:33am]
i am a gross pile:(
5 Playmates| Let's Play

well,i do like the country [18 Jul 2005|11:11am]


















What state should you live in?
created with QuizFarm.com
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friends r good [15 Jul 2005|12:04am]
[ mood | tired,angry,embarressed ]

the most fucked up night. I'm soo embarrassed that this happened. okay,start at the beginning. i didn't go pack my stuff up at dave's today.very avoiding of me i know and i'm not proud but i've felt like i got kicked in the stomach for the past day and a half and i just couldn't face it:( so i called dave and left a message on his voice mail to call me.then i called him later at his house and he answered. i started to tell him about how i got boxes when he interrupted me and told me not to worry about it, he's got it covered. and then he tells me he's over "it" and do i have anything else to say. well, no i guess i don't.about half an hour later cara calls me and tells me that dave has called ron and asked him to drive all my stuff to my mom's house. this is not okay. its after 10pm(my mom doesn't even allow phone calls after 9:30pm) and my mom doesn't want anymore of my stuff stored there. so i tell her i'll call dave and for her and ron not to take any action until i figure this out. i just realized this is a very long story and i'm very tired. i guess i'll finish the conclusion tomorrow. sorry

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hahahahaha [21 Apr 2005|11:29am]
you know your addicted to livejournal when...

If you can't access the site, you have a minor freak out - and a major case of hitting reload.

You found yourself composing journal entries during dates, movies, even sex!

When you're out, you suddenly think of a witty reply to a comment somebody made to you... several days ago.

You actually call it LJ and not Livejournal. Check.

You've downloaded some sort of LJ program which has only the purpose of making entries easier to write without going on the site manually.

You consider it a great offense if someone deletes you off their friend's list.

The first thing you do every day when you go online is check your friends journals - even before checking your email.

You actually paid money for a few extra pictures with a full account when you could actually just alternate pics when you want to for your screen icons.

When your friends ask what's new, you get mad at them because you already wrote it in your LJ and they didn't check it yet.

You have put more time into LJ than all your assignments for the semester.

You have more friends on LJ than in real life.

You've met at laest 50% of your LJ friends.

You can't seem to call your friends by their real names - only LJ names will do.

You've fallen in love with someone you met on LJ.

You have posted about a party or get together on your LJ... and random strangers showed up.

You are guilty of traveling more than an hour to meet someone with LiveJournal. (Extra points for traveling five hours or more)

You've written a protected entry about one of your LiveJournal friends. (Extra points if they eventually found out about it)

You have written posts to notify people you're going to sleep.

You talk about your LJ friends to your real life friends all the time... like they're a part of your group.

You've created a LJ community, and people actually post in it.

You've been recognized in real live by a fellow LJ'er.

You have friended someone because of their LiveJournal icon.

You have "pity friends" on your list, who you would defriend if you could.

You've pimped one of your friends on journal, trying to get people to friend him / her.

Instead of doing research, you post difficult questions on your LiveJournal.

Your pets all have their own LiveJournals.

You know, right now, how many people have friended you (without peeking).

You've stopped being friends with someone in real life because of something they've said on LJ.

You're guilty of posting sexy or nude pictures to get more people to friend you.

You have consoled yourself after a horrible day thinking "At least this will make a great LJ post"

You're jealous of people who have more friends and / or comments than you.

You have written a really great, solid post - only to be disappointed by the lack of good comments.

You're guilty of commenting excessively to get more traffic to your journal.

You've deleted a post a few minutes (or hours) after you've written it, because it seemed lame in retro spect.

You give shout outs to all your LJ friends on their birthdays.

You have an additional, secret journal that hardly anyone knows about.

You've broken up with someone - or ended a friendship - soley via LiveJournal.

You have gotten mean anonymous comments (bonus points for figuring out who it was via their IP)

You've been reported (or reported someone) to LJ Abuse.

You've been featured on LJ Drama.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are LJ addicts.
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random [20 Apr 2005|12:08pm]
Random Comic Generator v2.0 by Delya
Paper or plastic?
panel 1
panel 2
panel 3
Quiz created with MemeGen!
1 Playmate| Let's Play

[16 Apr 2005|10:53am]
[ mood | anxious ]

stolen from 2balive2day and the fucked up thing is i didn't even fill his out
this is one of those egotistical things i put up in hopes that my lj friends want to put time and effort into flattering me:)
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
33. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
34. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

6 Playmates| Let's Play

[14 Apr 2005|04:21pm]
This place is a prison
And these people aren't your friends
Inhaling thrills through $20 bills
And the tumblers are drained and then flooded again
And again

There are guards at the on ramps armed to the teeth
And you may case the grounds from the Cascades to Puget Sound
But you are not permitted to leave

I know there's a big world out there like the one i saw on the screen
In my living room late last night
It was almost too bright to see
And i know that it's not a party if it happens every night
Pretending there's glamour and candelabra
When you're drinking by candlelight

What does it take to get a drink in this place?

What does it take, how long must i wait?


sadly this discribes the drug den i'm staying in. how depressing
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[12 Apr 2005|01:28pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

i got food poisoning from the catina in santa rosa. don't go there, they r evil:(

4 Playmates| Let's Play

[09 Apr 2005|11:30am]

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
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Food for thought... [02 Apr 2005|04:29pm]
...stolen from a starbucks cup

We know that chimpanzees possess language, culture, and self-awareness, so why don't we afford them rights? the most common argument is that if we give chimps rights, the next thing you know we'll be giving rights to squirrels. it seems to me ,however, a pretty poor decision to deny rights to those who deserve them lest we accidentally afford them to those who don't.
-David Liss
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[30 Mar 2005|02:20pm]
its so hard when your good friends have problems and you can't do anything but listen and not help
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[26 Mar 2005|02:42pm]
[ mood | medicated ]

i have a little more than 2 hours of work left and no motivation. i haven't actually been motivated at all today but it didn't matter earlier cause there was tons of people coming in so i was just talking. but now i have a pile of plans here that i have to do estimates for and no motivation to do them. i played solitair, got bored after 2 minutes and decided to type away instead. cara called me this morning at 8am to tell me the newest chapter in how her life is going to shit. it sounds like i'm bitching about it but i don't mean it that way. i just feel bad for her and wish there was something i could do. but there's not. so i started my day at work frustrated. and i'm sick so the medicine i'm taking makes me feel floaty. between floaty and frustrated there can be no motivation. but there is still 2 hours...and lately my life has consisted of just work so i have no good gossip of my own to type about. i'm working 6 days a week now so i only have one day to wreak havoc on the world. and that day is sunday, so maybe after tomorrow i'll have gossip. and it looks like a nice day, i wish i was out in it.:(

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